Three steps forward…two steps back…

Delusions of grandeur…that’s me!  In my head I was planning it all out…once I got finished with finals, I will work my ass off to get below that magic number (known to me and my trainer) before school begins again in a month.

Yeah…suuuuuuure…whatever you say…

Felt icky on Monday and was kind of out of it for the Kines final.  Ok, so maybe just getting a little cold.  Well, the next morning I was have serious abdominal issues which caused me to make many trips to the bathroom.  Fast forward to today, Thursday, where not having the huge issues but now the weakness is apparent from my lack of eating or absorbing what I’m eating if you will.  But, I want to get past this so I refuse to let it be a bigger issue.  Charlene invites me to the track for a run…sure…sounds great…I could get out, get some fresh air and get back in the groove.

But my body has other plans…

About 1.5 miles in, my stomach gives me an ultimatum…continue running and I will make you sorry…I listened and stopped, walking the last half-mile.

Really?  2 measly miles???  I’m huffing and puffing over half of what I’m supposed to be running at least once a week.  Hence, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.  I was at a level and this abdominal issue has knocked me back a peg or two.

Well, I won’t let it get me down.  I will get back on track and get back what I have lost, somewhat, from illness and then some.

Sunday I’ll be in Vernon running and will continue the momentum from there. 

For now I’m going to hydrate, rest, hydrate some more and rest some more…

While driving home, I blasted my favorite A7X song for motivation…

 Unbound (The Wild Ride)

Somewhere life is good, and things go as they should
it’s hard to find, but that’s alright yeah-ee-yeah!
Searching for the way, push harder everyday
It’s deep inside, that shining light yeah-ee-yeah!
But I’m scarred, by barriers placed in my path
I’m scathed…

This ride that takes me through life
Leads me into darkness but emerges into light
No one can never slow me down
I’ll stay unbound!

Sometimes when we’re young, and always on the run
It gets so dark and I know that place yeah-ee-yeah!
So don’t be too concerned, you got a lot to learn
Well so do I and we’ve got plenty of time yeah-ee-yeah!
Don’t fall off the track yet with so many races to go
Hold on

This ride that takes me through life
Leads me into darkness but emerges into light
No one can ever slow me down
I’ll stay unbound!

Some live so wrong, with what we do is each his own
Living in fear, end the shame for countless years
I never lived in fear I knew I’d die another day
I never viewed my life as something… slipping away

Some live so wrong, with what we do is each his own
Living in fear, end the shame for countless years

*Choir*
I never lived in fear I knew I’d die another day
I never viewed my life as something… slipping away

*Childs Singers*
There’s nothing here to take for granted
with each breath that we take
the hands of time strip youth from our bodies,
and we fade,
memories remain,
as time goes on.

There’s nothing here to take for granted
with each breath that we take
the hands of time strip youth from our bodies,
and we fade,
memories remain,
as time goes on.

Found this post on Go Tribal…

I wrote this post June 3, 2010 on the Go Tribal website…I re-read it and thought it was an interesting perspective of where my head was at last year.  And this was before my first 5k…enjoy!


So, I was mulling over getting gastric bypass surgery to reduce my weight. However, with each appointment, road blocks kept coming up and I got the feeling that this avenue was not the right one for me. I took the first step in regaining myself by joining Weight Watchers April 15th. I have a ridiculous number of points and there are some days it’s a struggle to get close to using them all. But in order to lose the weight, I knew I needed to incorporate exercise…that blasted dirty word! At least that was what I thought until the results began to show… I try to walk at least 2 miles at the track each day. Some days I can’t because of the weather but I do make an effort to go; lugging my 4 children to play in the middle of the track while I walk. Most of the time it works but they’re kids so there are the temper tantrums, the tiredness, etc that might cut my walks short. But then Charlene invited me to Mansfield Hollow for some cross-training. Let hell begin… Short sprints, trail runs, stair climbing. My legs were screaming at me all throughout the workout. I was complaining almost the entire time and she was calm. Two days after this workout I was unable to move without immense pain. She said it was DOMS (Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness). What do I do? I ask her when she’s going again. Did I really just say that???? Yes, I was hooked. As much as my legs screamed at me and how sore my body was, I was craving to run again. Could I get better from the week prior and run just a little farther? Only one way to find out… Went the next week (this past Sunday) and I did make progress from the previous week. I ran longer and actually sprinted at one point. I surprised myself. Charlene wanted me to work on pacing myself so I don’t tire out quickly and stop. I did it! Still having issues with my shins hurting but it is slowly getting better. Then I noticed something… After getting home from the 2 hour workout, I noticed my cheapie sneakers had a huge crack right across it so I needed to get new sneakers. The next day I went and got a nice pair of New Balance with the inserts to help my arches. I told myself I was going to start the Couch to 5k program that day since I got new sneakers. Yeah, not the best plan for me. I did Week 1 workout but since my body hadn’t recovered from yesterday’s beat-fest, my shins were once again screaming at me. I finished the workout and did a long stretch. I took Tuesday off from walking/working out and just rested my body. This morning I felt good enough that I did a 3.1 mile walk around the neighborhood. Tomorrow after my meeting I’ll do Day 2 of Week 1 of C25k. Why am I doing this?…. I signed up for my first ever 5k!!!! The Red Dress Run in Hartford, July 10th. Now, there are women who running or walking but I really want to make an effort to run it all. I have my goals and that involves running 5-10ks in the next year building up to a half-marathon in the fall of 2011. I want to do a Tri in 2012 and ultimately I want to get to the Iron Man Tri in Kona. I may not finish first or even in the top 100 but I want to compete and finish. Big aspirations I know but without goals I wouldn’t know where I was heading. So, 13 pounds down so far in 5 weeks with much more weight to lose. I am breaking that down into smaller, more manageable chunks. Next goal is to hit 15 then 20, then my 10%. I can’t wait until next year at this time when I look back on my journey and see how far I’ve come. Until then…

Summer almost over already????

I thought I had written in August but alas, the summer has taken control of me and I wanted to be doing other things than write in a blog I guess.  Oh well…the school year is just around the corner so I will be back to the school routine for the kids (and myself) with time during the day to update this blog more often.

Last night Charlene came over to measure me.  The first time I’m being measured since I embarked on this journey to a marathon.  However, the numbers I give are based on from the very first time Charlene measured me back in April 2010.  I’m only giving changes in my numbers to keep some things private.  I am not ready to share those numbers with everyone just yet.  🙂

• Neck -.75
• Bicep -2.25
• Chest -1.50
• Waist -3.75
• Hips -5.00
• Abs +1.75 *
• Thigh 0.00
• Calf -1.00

*Charlene changed where she was measuring on me so that accounts for the positive

Without including the positive number, I have lost a total of 14.25 inches since April of 2010.  Now, at first I was confused as to why I didn’t lose any inches on my thigh but after thinking about it, a lot of the flab has changed to muscle.  So, while the number might not have changed, the make-up of my leg has (at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself to keep me on the right track).

I’ve lost (and gained and lost again) a total of 30.4 pounds since last April as well; 20 pounds since beginning my training with Charlene.  Numbers aren’t anything to sneeze at though I could pick myself apart about each one.  Summer is difficult because I am tending to the kids and, for this summer at least, I am going to school at the same time.  Once the kids head back to school I will be able to devote time during the day to exercise (and my studies) without having to stop every few minutes to separate the kids.  Yes, they are always going to be in my life and I do need to work around that but during the summer with no schedule, they are a bit more rowdy than usual.  It’s all a learning process for me as well as everyone around me.

While the numbers are encouraging, I do need to come up with a better plan so I can reach my goals that I have set.  Right now, I feel like I’m a little too “go with the flow” in regards to this plan.  I really need to buckle down on my eating and make that time to exercise, not just when I work-out with Charlene.  But again, it’s a learning process which I am learning…just wish the curve was faster than it is right now!

FRUSTRATION!!!!

So, here it is, 4 days post race and my legs are still crap.  What the hell is this????  It is so damn irritating that I train and work hard to run in a race only to fall behind because of flippin injuries.  No longer is it my gastrocs that bother me but my posterior tibialis.  And this hurts worse than my gastrocs ever did!  So I move forward 3 steps only to get pushed back 4.  I am giving myself one more rest day then it’s back on the elliptical.  I can’t let myself get behind if I plan on running the 10k at the end of August.  I will continue to do my strengthening exercises but now I have to scale back my running until the inflammation clears up.  I’m so damn tire of one injury after another!

Ok, rant over…back to your regularly scheduled program…

Overcoming bumps in the road…figuratively speaking…

I finished the Red Dress Run in 42:15 with a 13:43 pace time.  I shaved a minute off my last 5k time (the O’Hartford) and 6:15 from the Red Dress Run last year.  I’m feeling pretty good about those numbers.  However, I really need to work on overcoming the small bumps in the road when it comes to running.  Lately my bladder hasn’t been cooperating with me and today it presented a deterrent for me to continue running.  I ran 2 miles before stopping to take a short break which wound up being close to a full mile break.  If it weren’t for the pressure from my bladder I would have continued on running.  Instead, I took the time to berate myself and beat myself up for drinking the half cup of water I got at the one water station or maybe I should have used the portalets more than just before the race.  Whatever the reason, I found it to beat myself up over giving up.  But, when I made the final turn to the last half-mile, that’s when I decided I wasn’t going to let this issue ruin my time completely.  The volunteer said, about a half-mile left to go, in the shade even, you can do it! (He wasn’t talking directly to me but in general).  That’s all I needed to hear.  And as I got closer, I heard Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas and that just made me pace faster.  Then I saw Charlene and Karen and wanted to collapse but I didn’t.  Instead I pushed to the finish where Lexie and Laura were waiting.  I really hated myself for allowing an issue like that take over me.  I really didn’t want to see my time but Lexie convinced me to check it anyway.  Happily surprised to see the numbers I did; I realized I was making a mountain out of a mole-hill.

I have to say this year was pretty darn amazing because I got to run a race with Lexie as well as a ton of other fabulous ladies…Charlene, Laura, Tammy, Tiffany, and Alyssa with Karen on the sidelines taking photos and cheering us all on…

So what did I take away from this race?  First, I need to contact my doctor about my issue and see what can be done about it.  But, I really need to work on cutting myself slack, and more positive self-talk when something comes up so I don’t let myself down.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy I ran 2 full miles without stopping and getting the time that I did.  I just need to stop dwelling on the negative when it rears it’s ugly head and focus on the bigger goal…the FINISH LINE.

Run-niversary

It’s been over a month since I last posted and here I am on the eve of The Red Dress Run, the first race I ever ran.  I was thinking about how I felt about myself last year compared to this year.  Last year, I was very unsure, as well as injured when I ran the race.  The majority of it was walked with an emotional breakdown once I saw all my friends waiting for me to cheer me across the finish line.  This year, I am better prepared, better trained and I think in a much better frame of mind to tackle this race.  Last year my time was 48 minutes and some change.  This year I hope to get under 43 minutes which is less than the O’Hartford race I ran in March.  I want to run this race and not merely walk it.  I want to run with my head held high rather than staring down at the pavement.  I know I can do it.

Red Dress Run 2010

Over the past few weeks, I’ve made some strides in my training.  I actually ran 3 miles without stopping at the track one day.  I still remember thinking, oh I’ll run 2 laps then walk a lap which turned into 3/1 laps which turned into I only have 4 more laps to go to reach 3 miles.  I was going to walk a lap because I was tiring but as soon as I started walking, I started running again.  I knew in my gut that if I walked any bit of it, I would never start running again.  I wanted to show myself that I could run 3 miles without stopping.

Since the half-marathon I was planning on running is on the same day as Erik’s retirement, I have decided to postpone my half-marathon until the Spring of 2012.  Instead, I am hoping to run a 10k at the end of August to prepare myself for the next level of running.

So, what happens now?  I roll, ice and rest my legs until tomorrow morning.  I run with an amazing group of ladies and prove to myself I can do it once again.  Then I really need to step up my training.  I need to include the diet aspect of the training and not just the exercise.  Time to kick this into high gear.

All I have to say is…

BRING IT!

Changing for the better

May 17, 2010

It’s hard to look at yourself and find the changes that are occurring.  Just like when people say how tall your kids have gotten, you are with them all the time, or a significant part of the time, and don’t notice it as well as others do.  It’s taken me a lot of time to accept and acknowledge that my body is changing.  I am making positive changes in my life and it’s starting to show.  Since I’m not used to pointing out the positives in myself, I am almost forcing myself to find something good about myself.  I can’t really look at pictures of myself because all I see is flab but it’s slowly changing.  While it might not be obvious on the outside, I’m feeling it on the inside.

Today, I worked out with Charlene doing my resistance training.  Each week, the routine varies, even just slightly, to keep me engaged yet challenged at the same time.  Well, this week was ramped up a bit and I think I was up for the challenge.  I actually surprised myself with how my stamina has improved.  Doesn’t mean I kicked ass for all the exercises but I put my all into every single one of them.  Even when I had to stop for fear my legs would give out, I kept going until I couldn’t anymore.  A year ago I would have made up excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t finish.  Now there is no reason.  I want to do what I’m doing.  I want to succeed.  I want to accomplish what I have set out for myself to do.  And that’s what I’m doing.  Sure, I may have off days but then again who doesn’t?  What matters is to not allow that to ruin the entire week which would turn into a month and so on.

May 14, 2011

My legs are now more toned, my core is rather strong and while I do have some things to work on, I am moving forward and MAKING PROGRESS!

Can I attribute all this to the exercise?  I have to say no.  Because I could have easily done this last year or anytime but I wasn’t ready for it.  What changed?  My schooling.  Learning more about myself and what makes me happy inside.  Learning how to deal with difficult situations with grace and finesse.  Not allowing people to walk all over me.  Beginning to love me and be patient with me.  It was one of the main reasons I started massage therapy and it’s happened.  That change in myself is happening and I couldn’t be more thrilled.  Not changing who I am but rather allowing myself to be me and be happy.  To accept that not everyone will like who I am but that’s there loss, not mine.

A big milestone tonight

My training has been progressing steadily.  I’ve gone from 30 minutes on the elliptical to 2 miles and now 2.5 miles.  It hasn’t been easy at all though.  Last week, a close friend of the family passed away which completely threw off my week.  Life happens.  Everyone knew the time was coming for her to go Home, it was just a matter of when. It’s a new week with it’s own challenges and I need to start working through those challenges to keep on track.

Monday I worked out with Charlene for a mere 15 minutes but it was the longest 15 minutes of my life.  Squats with kettlebell raises for 30 seconds followed by running up and down a hill.  Repeat 2 more times.  Then push-ups for 30 seconds again followed by running up and down a hill.  Repeat 2 times.  The very first time I tried to run up the hill my quads literally said, “Do it and I’ll stop working.” I did manage to run up once I began the push-ups.  But this morning?  Both my legs weighed about 100 pounds each.  I told Charlene I would do my 2.5 miles on the elliptical today in addition to bootcamp tonight.  With an enormous amount of disdain from my quads, I began my morning routine….

Yeah…that didn’t go so well.  I kept stopping to stretch or just to catch my breath.  After 2.2 miles, my legs once again said, “Continue and perish.”  I heeded my legs warnings and stopped.  I was really dreading going to bootcamp tonight because my legs were so unstable and John is a big fan of squats.  A phone call from Charlene before I left for bootcamp really had me worried.  John asked her about my jumping and she said, she’s up for it, go ahead and put it in there if you want.  Ummmmm…what????  And that’s exactly what he did.

At first I feared that we would be jumping over something but I was saved…a little.  Flip the tire and then jump on it.  Repeat for one minute.  With all eyes looking at me, John says, “Ok, Jen, let’s see it.”  Talk about being put on the spot.  I did it!  Yes, I jumped both feet at once onto the tire.  YEAH!  I was able to do it for only 30 seconds before my legs began to shake and I became unsure I would safely jump up.  Tonight’s workout was brutal; it truly pushed me to the very edge of exhaustion.  I felt very satisfied once the class was over because I tried my hardest and busted my ass to finish the exercises.

I’m making progress.  To me, it’s not showing on the outside; a picture my sister took of me this weekend showed me that all too well but it’s working on the inside.  My core is stronger, my legs are stronger and more stable, and my pace is evening out.  Soon, very soon, the changes should become apparent on the outside.  I look forward to that day.

Bad choices

Today was not a good day in terms of making good food choices.  I don’t know what has come over me but for some reason, everything is getting on my nerves.  A stressful situation came up today and I caved without even trying to fight to make the right choices.  I wasn’t prepared for what happened and it took me completely by surprise.  Something so innocuous causing such an issue.  I always seem to be the bad guy in every situation yet I’m doing what’s right for me and my family.  Something has got to give.

What’s worse, I didn’t even enjoy what I ate and I feel even worse right now.  I’ve been in this situation before and I knew the outcome yet I still allowed it to happen.  I can’t change what happened today but by writing this down, I am making a commitment to myself to work at not having it happen again.  It’s a minor setback and I will get back on the horse tomorrow.

Looking beyond what I see…

5/14/10

 So I am trying to justify how I look so much different between Heather’s First Communion last year to Zach’s First Communion this year.  Sure, I probably should have worn the same clothes but last year I donated all the clothes thinking I would be far thinner than I actually am at this point. But, these pictures serve not only to show the changes in me but, more importantly, how much the kids have changed in just a year’s time!  Not only have they changed physically but emotionally and psychologically too.  Last year they seemed very to themselves, not looking too much at the camera. This year, their personalities really came out and they are speaking for themselves.

5/15/11

But, back to my comparisons…over at Charlene’s yesterday she took a picture of me to compare against my photo at my first 5k, The Red Dress Run in July.  Yes, I could see little differences but I managed, in my head, to explain them away.  The camera angle is different, one was more close up than the other, etc.  Not to mention, wearing a tank top looks different than a shirt.
Yeah, I know that’s reaching but hey, this is the way I think about me.  It’s very hard to see the little changes as big deals when they were never usually celebrated as big deals.  Even today, Charlene wanted me to celebrate the fact that I’m not sore after running yesterday and she’s right, I should.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Because it’s not a huge thing, it’s just part of the entire package.  Now, when I cross that finish line in October, then I’ll celebrate.  But why not celebrate the little things?  Aren’t they the things that make the end celebration that much more spectacular? 

We, as parents, celebrate every accomplishment that our children makes but we don’t celebrate our own?  Well, we need to.  Ok, *I* need to do that more often.  For me.  I need to understand running for 31 straight minutes is a huge change from barely making it 5 minutes before having to walk 15 minutes recuperating.  It doesn’t require a huge blow-out party each and every time, that would get old fast but an acknowledgment of the accomplishment and writing it down somewhere so in my less than stellar moments I can refer back to them wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Tomorrow I start on my 3rd semester of school.  It’s going to be tougher than most because there are 2 science classes for the full semester, not half.  Working in my training along with school and the studying, homework, etc, that entails will be a challenge.  It won’t be impossible but tweaking will be a very big part of it.  After these past 2 weeks, though, I think I am up to the challenge.