Birthday changes….

•May 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Since I haven’t posted since February after my surgery; a lot of catch-up is necessary.  I graduated school, passed my National Exam, got my license (and insurance), began working with the Connecticut Suns, said farewell to our beloved Bear and continued to keep the kids on track in between all that.  It certainly hasn’t been easy and there are days when I wonder why someone trusts me with all this stuff.  I have my up and down days…I know I need to get stuff together for the move, selling the house, etc, but everyday I talk myself out of doing all those things.

Today is my birthday.  I’m 42.  And today I am putting my foot down for how I have been behaving lately.  The only one who can change things is me.  Every time I work with the Sun girls, I get inspired to be a better person.  What better day to start on these inspirations than today!

  • Read a little each day
  • Exercise daily
  • Organize a little each day
  • Make weekly goals and make them small and achievable
  • Eat better
  • Start booking clients

We are always getting ready to live but never living.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Growth through down time

•February 12, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Nothing stinks worse than not being able to be involved in your household.  The past week required an enormous amount of patience and forgiveness on my part and this week will be no different.  Something as simple as doing laundry is just out of my reach.  Why would I want to do laundry?  At the most basic level, it’s my right as a mom to do the laundry.  And once it’s taken away suddenly I feel I have to be able to do it.  Happens with anything though; eating chocolate on a diet…tell me no and suddenly that’s all you can think about…chocolate.

I got out of the hospital a lot earlier than expected; Friday rather than Sunday.  Being a week later, I am so happy I am over that painful hump.  Getting up and down were brutal!  I couldn’t get out of bed without help.  So, anytime I had to use the bathroom everyone knew about it.  No, it’s not a huge deal that I have to pee but come on, really? I have to ask for help to get up now??  Good thing I’m past that and moving forward.

So, moving forward, what are my new goals for the year?  Well, I need to speak with my personal trainer Charlene to make some realistic yet challenging goals for myself.  I want to get out and RUN!  But, I can’t push myself too hard and risk setting back my health.

1. I will to lose another 40 pounds
2. I will complete the Red Dress Run in under 35 minutes (I will be hopefully running the O’Hartford in March but that is my return run with no time limit, just to enjoy getting back on the horse)
3.  I will complete at least 3 races this year
4. I will train for a half marathon

I will adjust these as I need to depending on what Charlene suggests and what my doctor says this Thursday….

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~CS Lewis

Acceptance

•January 31, 2012 • Leave a Comment

It has been a whirlwind few weeks.  I went from having just a hernia to a congenital hernia needing surgery with recovery time, restriction to my activities, and slowing down.  Tomorrow I will be on a liquid diet before my surgery on Thursday.  Thursday I will be under the knife between 2 and 6 hours, depending on how difficult it is for the surgeon to pull all the stuff out of the hole in my diaphragm.  Sounds fun huh?  Oh, and let’s add a chest tube for drainage for a couple days.  I will be away from my husband and kids for a couple days.  Then I can’t return to school for at least a week.  THEN I will not be able to massage for another week or so.  Sounds like all I’m doing is crabbing and I am, a little at least.  I didn’t ask for this and this really isn’t the time for me to be down and out.

But, it happened and I need to deal with it.  I understand that (after a lot of bitching).  I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason though that reason may not be known right away.  So, while I’m wary about the intense pain I will be feeling over this weekend, I know that it will lead to a stronger end.

Are my expectations for what this surgery is going to solve too high?  Most likely.  But given the severity of the situation, I would prefer to think big.  So what are my hopes?  Once I am fully recovered, I hope to get back to running and make progress in my goal of running a half and full marathon.  I am also counting on this resolution allowing me to bust past the plateau I’ve been on weight-wise.  No, I don’t blame the hernia solely for my eating issues but with my abdomen back where it belongs I may not feel the need to eat as much as I have been lately.  The big one is that this whole issue is teaching me to take time for my self-care. 

Up until my diagnosis I was going, going, going.  Being Mom, student, wife (when Erik is home), caretaker, cleaner, driver has taken it’s toll.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind doing any of that but without some balance things like hernias happen.  I thought with the running, that component was being handled.  But, since at this point I still see running as a requirement, a means to an end, it was less about the thrill of running and more about what running could help me accomplish.  Yes, I do need to push myself to better my stride, run time, etc but there’s also the taking in my surroundings, forgetting that the kids are going wild at home or that the dog will keep me up all night.  Just BE in nature and absorb all that is around me.

While this hernia has the better of me right now, I will not let it continue after my recovery is over.  I plan on finishing school, getting licensed, working the summer and progress my running.  In all that, I will better plan “down-time” for myself to regroup, refocus and regain perspective of what is most important.

The next chapter of my life is about to begin….

I see your plan and I raise you a wrench!

•January 12, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Things were just beginning to smooth out; the kids are doing well with Erik gone part of the week, we had a routine, I am about to head back to school, graduate, get a job, move to NY, it’s all good right?  Yeah, enter said wrench into the plans.  What started out as a small breathing issue wound up turning into a trip to the ER and a diagnosis of a hiatal hernia.  Are you CRAZY?  I don’t have time for this let alone for an operation!  The world isn’t going to pause while I take care of this but someone is telling me I need to slow down.  I didn’t think I was out of control and doing more than I should.  At the hospital, I was more pissed off that I was messing with Charlene and Erik’s schedule more than what was wrong with me.

So, needless to say, this little hiccup in my “plan” whether I like it or not is something I will have to deal with.  Reading up on hiatal hernias, the best treatment is weight loss.  Ironically, this has happened when I have hit my lowest weight in over a year.  But, I’m going to keep at it.  Big IF though…IF I listen to my inner voice and stop doing whatever it is I’m doing when she tells me. 

And the saga continues….

2012 is coming…ready or not…

•December 27, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Today I went out for a run with Charlene at Mansfield Hollow.  It was the first time running since the Blue Back Mitten Run.  I surprised myself yet again and didn’t walk much at all, didn’t feel too much discomfort with the exception of my throat hurting from the cold.  It was invigorating and energizing to run again.  I’ve missed it since Erik was away the past 2 weeks.

So, what are my goals for this new year coming up?  For one, I want to make a Bucket List of things I want to accomplish, see, experience, etc.  So, for now, I will write my running goals for 2012.  I want to run the O’Hartford (March), Red Dress Run (July), ING (October), and the Blue Back Mitten Run (December).  In between those, I want to run a half-marathon in April and a full marathon in October (that may be the ING but we’ll see how training goes).  I was invited to run a half marathon in NYC in April which while I’m not sure if we’ll be doing it, I plan on training as if I am going to run it.

I am looking into going vegetarian for a while as well as taking a photograph a day.  Not sure if I can go completely without meat but I’d like to try if only for 30 days to start.  It may be something I can do off and on while training.  Still haven’t worked out the kinks yet but it’s in the back of my mind.

Wishing everyone a prosperous and healthy, happy New Year!

Pivitol Weekend

•December 5, 2011 • Leave a Comment

In every weight loss journey, you reach a turning point where all your hard work begins to really pay off.  However, I haven’t really been working hard, or at least I didn’t think I was working hard.  I was wrong.  Instead of tracking my points last weekend I went on feeling; ate when I felt and stopped when I felt satisfied.  What ended up happening?  2.4 pounds lost.  Are you kidding me????  I really, truly thought I was going to gain yet again this week.

I set a goal of finishing the Blue Back Mitten Race in under 40 minutes.  The first mile I was at 12:14 minutes; the second 24:20.  Seriously????  I ended up finishing in 38:06.  I have floored myself by finishing well under my 40 minute goal.  I don’t think I’ve truly soaked up my accomplishment just yet.  But what has really made me understand the gravity of this situation is the outpouring of support from my family and friends.  To post something like that on Facebook and to have people even just ‘like’ the post really means the world to me.  I cannot believe how a simple act like that can keep me spurred on to continue this winning streak of mine.

Sarah, me & Charlene Blue Back Mitten Race 2011

This week I conclude my 4th term in Massage School.  The semester has just flown by and I cannot believe I am almost at the end of my schooling.  Next year I will be one of the “Seniors” on campus but last year at this time I was stressing about my MT1 final!

I am going to continue this streak by making good food choices, upping my exercise and, once finals are done, take some time for just me to read or pare down some stuff in the house before it goes on the market.

While the number on the scale isn’t going down as quickly as I hope, something is changing and people are seeing it.  In fact, on Saturday when I went to a cadaver lab for MT3, there was a camera on us and showing us on large screens.  I was able to actually look at myself from the back.  I could actually tell I wasn’t as “wide” as I thought I looked from the back.  I am actually noticing changes in myself.  So, numbers be damned!

Charlene, Sarah & I Blue Back Mitten Race 2010 (BIG difference for me!!!)

So I will end this post with a quote I found on a magnet in Barnes & Noble yesterday…

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
~Mary Anne Radmacher

Manchester Road Race

•November 26, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Don’t think about it, just do it says Charlene to me about running on Thanksgiving.  4.748 miles with a 2 mile hill in the very beginning…sure!  Why not?  I’m still trying to process that I actually did it, and finished close to the time I was hoping to get.  1:06 to run with 15,000 other people almost 5 miles.  What a beautiful day; what a wonderful experience.  To run and have all those people cheering everyone on, radios blasting or bands playing along the way.  Costumes galor from a man dressed as a playboy bunny to penguins to teenage mutant ninja turtles to Gumby.  I ran with Julia Chase-Brand, the woman who paved the way for the rest of us women to race.  Fifty years ago, when she began racing, it was frowned upon, her times weren’t counted and was attempted to be removed from the course.  Look at how much has changed!

But, to make things even more interesting, not only did I run that race but I plan on running the Blue Back Mitten Run again this year.  I really hope that it’s not as cold as it was last year but I think I should have a better time for sure.  I was not in a good place last year mentally, physically, emotionally; this year is different.  I am determined to finish strong and take my training to the next level.