Acceptance

It has been a whirlwind few weeks.  I went from having just a hernia to a congenital hernia needing surgery with recovery time, restriction to my activities, and slowing down.  Tomorrow I will be on a liquid diet before my surgery on Thursday.  Thursday I will be under the knife between 2 and 6 hours, depending on how difficult it is for the surgeon to pull all the stuff out of the hole in my diaphragm.  Sounds fun huh?  Oh, and let’s add a chest tube for drainage for a couple days.  I will be away from my husband and kids for a couple days.  Then I can’t return to school for at least a week.  THEN I will not be able to massage for another week or so.  Sounds like all I’m doing is crabbing and I am, a little at least.  I didn’t ask for this and this really isn’t the time for me to be down and out.

But, it happened and I need to deal with it.  I understand that (after a lot of bitching).  I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason though that reason may not be known right away.  So, while I’m wary about the intense pain I will be feeling over this weekend, I know that it will lead to a stronger end.

Are my expectations for what this surgery is going to solve too high?  Most likely.  But given the severity of the situation, I would prefer to think big.  So what are my hopes?  Once I am fully recovered, I hope to get back to running and make progress in my goal of running a half and full marathon.  I am also counting on this resolution allowing me to bust past the plateau I’ve been on weight-wise.  No, I don’t blame the hernia solely for my eating issues but with my abdomen back where it belongs I may not feel the need to eat as much as I have been lately.  The big one is that this whole issue is teaching me to take time for my self-care. 

Up until my diagnosis I was going, going, going.  Being Mom, student, wife (when Erik is home), caretaker, cleaner, driver has taken it’s toll.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind doing any of that but without some balance things like hernias happen.  I thought with the running, that component was being handled.  But, since at this point I still see running as a requirement, a means to an end, it was less about the thrill of running and more about what running could help me accomplish.  Yes, I do need to push myself to better my stride, run time, etc but there’s also the taking in my surroundings, forgetting that the kids are going wild at home or that the dog will keep me up all night.  Just BE in nature and absorb all that is around me.

While this hernia has the better of me right now, I will not let it continue after my recovery is over.  I plan on finishing school, getting licensed, working the summer and progress my running.  In all that, I will better plan “down-time” for myself to regroup, refocus and regain perspective of what is most important.

The next chapter of my life is about to begin….

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~ by jniemi99 on January 31, 2012.

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