Combining blogs

I was trying to keep one blog about my training and another for everything else…well the everything else went by the wayside so here are a few old blog posts from my other blog which I’ll be shutting down…

Written 3/12/11

Races I plan on running in 2011

3/20 Max’s O’Hartford

5/1 Community 5k Run for Autism

7/9 Red Dress Run for Women

10/15 ING Hartford Marathon/5k

12/4 Blue Back Mitten Run

In 2010, I ran the Red Dress Run for Women, ING Hartford 5k and the Blue Back Mitten Run so I’m hoping to increase to at least 5 races this year.  It may wind up being more if ones come up that I’m interested and able to run.  Of course in September, I am hoping to do the Rugged Maniac 5k endurance race in MA but that’s more endurance than a race.  I really hope to build up enough to run the Hartford Half Marathon in 2012.

I am planning a very strict schedule for myself in these next 6 weeks including planning out my meals, training as well as school.  I really want to start seeing results instead of wishing for them.  I need to be the change I wish to see; no one is going to do it for me.

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Written 3/16/11

How choices affect others

I meant to write about this yesterday but I got sidetracked as I normally do on a daily basis.  Zach got off the bus very sad with tears in his eyes yesterday.  I thought at first that he did something wrong at school so I asked him what was the matter.  He said a kid on the bus was making fun of me saying I’m so fat I could flatten a bus…or maybe it was I was as big as a bus…I didn’t really get it all through the tears but it was something about me being fat and a comparison to a school bus.  Point being, he was upset that someone was making fun of me.  Putting my hurt feelings aside for this boy’s opinion of me whom I’ve never met, I tried to help Zach shrug off this boy’s “empty” words.
“Well, what do you think about what he said?”
“I think it’s a complete and total lie.”
“Well then, what difference does it make what he says because he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about now does he?”
“No he doesn’t.”
“The next time he, or anyone else, says something mean about someone you care about, tell them ‘that’s not very nice’ and walk away.”
“Ok Mommy.”

And that ended that issue with Zach.  However, it opened up a whole new issue with me.  Zach didn’t choose to have an overweight Mom, I made that choice.  Just like each time I make a bad food decision, I blame it on stress the kids are putting on me but is it really?  I honestly never thought my weight would actually affect my children.  Yes, I’m putting myself at risk for health issues but it didn’t dawn on me until yesterday that it could affect them socially.  Sure, who your mom and dad are and what they look like shouldn’t make a bit of a difference but they do.  I thought some adults were mean and shallow but I completely forgot about the most critical and brutally honest group, children!

Zach has never seen me thin since the last time I was, he was just a baby.  That’s how long ago it was.  Sure, I lost a bit of weight after Brianna was born but I got pregnant right away with Luc so that threw everything out the window.  This Stella never got her groove back.  But again, I have no one or nothing to blame but myself.  I made the choices and now I’ve realized everyone around me is paying the price.

Kids get picked on enough for silly things, I don’t need to be one of them.  So, when I start getting that urge to binge, I need to think of yesterday when Zach was so upset.  I know he loves me for who I am and not the number on the scale.  But, to get to my goal weight will show all my kids (and bonus daughter too) that I can accomplish something when I set my mind to it.  Never give up.  If you fall off the horse, get right back on there and keep plugging away.  I will end with this quote…

If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.  ~Flavia Weedn
So, here’s to new beginnings!
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Written 3/20/11

First run of 2011

Today I competed in my first 5k of 2011.  I had a horrible morning this morning ending in lots of tears and sobbing on my part.  I was hoping to recover from that and I did to an extent.  Two of the past three races ended with me crossing the finish line in tears but not today.  I had my head held high and, while my feet were screaming at me, I did not feel the urge to shed a tear.  And even though I walked much of it, I wasn’t walking at a snail’s pace; I kept myself moving fast.  I maxed out my heart rate more times than I can count and allowed for a short recovery time before pushing to the next interval.  And I made sure I crossed the finish line running.  Always an awesome sight to see was my bestie Charlene who’s never-ending support keeps me going through each of these races.

So, while running, there’s nothing but time to think about things.  And I’m not talking about what I’m going to do once I get home or how I really need to go grocery shopping.  I mean really think about things.  Erik and I chatted this morning on Facebook before I left, during my meltdown and he gave me a lot of help.  I never realized he felt all the stuff he wrote about me.  Somewhere along the way in our travels I lost sight of who I am.  I became Mom and Wife, less Wife, more Mom.  And now that the kids are getting older, I’m in school for something I am truly passionate about, and getting pretty good at, so the balance can shift a little from 90/10 Mommy/Wife to 33.3/33.3/33.3 Mommy/Wife/ME.  I need to stop worrying about what’s happening tomorrow and focus on the blessings I have right here, right now, today.  My family, my husband and children, my bonus daughter who has her Dad’s intuition about when I need a pick-me-up and happily gives me one, a wonderful sitter who takes such good care of the kids while I am at school, my friends, my Best Friends who are always there to pick me up when I’m down, to show me the light at the end of the tunnel, the rainbow that’s coming after the rain.  I need to take these Blessings I have and be thankful for them TODAY, not later.  Because later may never come.  I can discover who I am evolving into and not just go through the motions.

Why do I run?  Because it’s something I can do for me and me alone.  I don’t care if I never pass the finish line first but the fact I’m crossing the finish line.  That I raced against myself and won.  I pushed the bar just a little higher for the next race.

I’m proud to be a Mom of 4 beautiful, intelligent children and Step-Mom to an equally beautiful and intelligent bonus daughter.  I am married to my best friend in the whole entire world.  No matter where he is, he is still linked into my emotions and knows what I’m going to say almost before I say it.  I would change any of that for the world.  Now it’s my time to practice balancing all that I have and all that I want to have in my life.

Namaste 

 
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Written 5/10/11

And life goes on…

So, one week left of my “vacation” before heading back for my 3rd semester at Massage Therapy school.  It has been rumored to be one of the hardest semesters since we have 2 science classes for the entire semester, not just part of a semester like before.  I’m a little anxious about that but at the same time I’m excited to take on the challenge.  I’ve always loved science.  To learn more about what the body is all about and how things work interests me.  What’s more is that I can take what I am learning and apply it to me.  I know it won’t be easy but I do have an awesome class to study with as well as 2 people in particular who are willing to help me learn this information.  The great thing about this particular semester, is that it’s over the summer so I don’t have to be overly concerned about the kids and school; I can focus on doing what I need to do to pass my classes.

I am also approaching my 41st birthday which I’m not keen about.  I’m not physically in the place that I wanted to be at this point.  I am still struggling with weight loss.  But, with the help of my trainers and friends, I am making better progress than I have in the past.  I need to focus on the present and the future rather than the past.  It’s hard not to have the past come up and rear it’s ugly head every now and again, and believe it shows up in the strangest of places for me, but I really need to close that chapter of my life and move on.

Here’s to moving on! 

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~ by jniemi99 on August 24, 2011.

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